I originally made this piece to be a self-portrait months ago...in many ways it still is. I decided I need to live a little more before finishing it. I'm dealing with the lingering feeling that I'm not who I thought I am. There's no feeling of incompleteness or absence or anything like that, more like there is more underneath, and I should dig in. I'm not ready to confirm or say anything about what I am, in this stage of my life, but when I do, I want to be sure of my identity.

Honestly, it didn't feel like worth exploring when I have a job and a future with my partner to think about. Not when my belief system and the politics that surrounds it, betrays me and the people I love and cared for under the call of my faith. This feels both sudden and a long time coming. I've mostly treated my identity as a convenience, but I don't think I've ever had a real tethered relationship to it, not enough to call it my own. I'm incredibly thankful to Julia, my partner, for being with me and asking me the right questions along the way. I'm thankful for everyone who have kept me company.

So I'm here now, end of the year. This is the point at which this artwork has arrived at. I wanted it to show my influences--heavily religious, feeling a little sacrilegous--but still me. Still personal. I'm at both deconstruction and restoration. I don't want to feign or ignore what my instincts are saying until it's too late, so I'll peel away at the flesh, even if slowly. As an attempt to be kind to myself.